Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
