all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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