There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So squirting runs in the family.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Boobs are out for the taking
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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