just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
