you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize