I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize