She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
