I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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