Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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