Already got asked if we're dating
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My life is pants optional.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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