I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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