Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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