He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
