Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
