we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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