you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
