and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
