just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
whose parrot is this?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
