i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
