yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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