there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
