Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
