Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
