worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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