And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
