I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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