you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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