Moan for me like Helen Keller
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
