Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
