Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
