**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
