I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
