tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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