fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
