I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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