WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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