i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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