WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
