my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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