Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
