proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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