so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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