I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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