Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize
