it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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