Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
