so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
