You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
