I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
