I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
