i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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