found the other keg... it's in the tree
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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