You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
