So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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