I met the friendliest cop last night
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
