Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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