He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Do you remember whose house we're in?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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