I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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