I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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