Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
