booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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