What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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