I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
