And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
