hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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