first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
