remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
