She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
