Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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