Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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