I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
