you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
