Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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