'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
