in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
