I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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