Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
