That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
