I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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