In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
