i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
that is very illegal...i love you.
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