I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize