Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
